Fallen Angel
by Milk.shake
Summary: [AU] Kicked out of Heaven for accidently setting God's robes on fire, Kagome's only chance to regain her place on the Heavenly Host is to guide one to the path of glory. Only trouble is that someone turns out to be our favourite hanyou. Discontinued until
1. Mission Impossible?

I have _no_ idea what I was thinking, really I don't. I think the depression was making me weird in the head... but it did the trick; I'm back on the road of productiveness. I even did some work the other day. For an hour and then I went home.

Disclaimer: Owning Inuyasha means having lots of money; I have none. 

**~*~*~*~*~**

**_Fallen Angel_**

****

**_Scroll One- Mission Impossible?_**

It really hadn't been her fault. She hadn't exactly _planned_ to set God's robes on fire. She wasn't even sure exactly how she'd managed to accomplish it either. Since when had fire sprouting from one's hands been part of an angel's repertoire? So their decision to throw her out of Heaven until further notice had been entirely unfair. Unfortunately most celestial beings tended to side with the Creator in most cases, rather than risk valuable, if incorporeal, limbs speaking out against him.

The dishonoured angel scowled fetchingly down at the cloud she walked on. Had there been a convenient stone to kick along, she would have done that too. The _really_ annoying thing about it all was that they'd all been so _nice_ about it; her rather than banishing her and murmuring condolences in her ear. Silly, pompous angelic bureaucrats, who wielded words like a broadsword. They'd even had the audacity to throw in a complementary fruit basket as well. (And if there was a greetings card for this sort of thing, they would have sent one of those too. Probably with Sorry you're leaving on the front with a suitably mournful-looking puppy. Perhaps it's a good thing Hallmark don't do mail order to other dimensions. And once she was safely out the door, there'd be a raucous party, she just _knew_ it.) Ooh, she'd show them a thing or two, yes she would.

So deep in her thoughts of retribution was she, that she completely failed to notice the plump, elderly angel waiting on the path until she walked into her.

There are much better ways of earning back your place in Heaven. Revenge doesn't go down very well with those in high places. The wrinkled angel smiled when Kagome's eyes widened. Now, listen. I've managed to come to an agreement with your judiciary. If you manage to guide one to the path of glory, you will be pardoned.

Blue eyes sparkling, Kagome could hardly believe her good fortune and pulled the woman into a tight hug. The woman smiled and mentally began counting. _One two three fo-_

Uh, exactly _who_ am I supposed to guide? And what path of glory? Kagome pulled back, brows drawn together in a puzzled frown.

The angel suppressed a chuckle of mirth, bright eyes twinkling. The youngling wasn't going to like what she said next, she'd said as much to those stuffed up, hidebound idiots when they had presented her with their terms. You'll know when you see him.

_You'll know when you see him._ Well, at least they'd given her one clue, and that _really_ narrowed down her search. She could now rule out the female side of Earth's population. Leaving only a mere however-many-million _men_. It made looking for a needle in a haystack positively look like child's play. But she would do this; her pride wouldn't allow her to give in. And the Holy Council had known that and, what's more, had exploited that fact, sneaky little bastards.

She could say this for being human; it made swearing a whole lot easier. That had been another of the Council's conditions, being human that is, not swearing (most of the Heavenly host weren't big on the whole swearing thing, go figure.) That aside though, humanity didn't have much going for it. She remembered that from her own life five hundred years before. You could spend your whole life working for the greater good and how did it reward you? With a nice grisly death, plenty of blood and enough political repercussions to put even the evilest of scheming Grand Viziers to shame. And then centuries of boredom sat upon a cloud with only a harp to provide a distraction

Maybe there was a bright side to this after all. 

Some months later just around the corner (any corner will do but preferably a street corner in Tokyo at around four-thirty in the afternoon), a hanyou of inu-youkai and human heritage was also contemplating the dark and bright side of things. The dark side; that fricking wimpy-wolf had just dissed his mother, yet again. While on the bright side he got to beat said wimpy-wolf up, yet again. It was becoming something of a tradition between them; an I'll physically hit you and you verbally hit me and vice versa kind of thing that was so complicated no-one really understood it anyway.

Inuyasha shrugged off the whys and wherefores and got ready to dish out the first punch of the day, special offer two for one! Unfortunately for him, two figures had just pushed and shoved their way through the crowd, not bothering with whose toe they trod on or whose stomach they elbowed, and latched onto both his arms. Party-poopers.

I hate to remind you, but you do remember a little chat you had with the Principle about fighting, ne? the black-haired boy inquired, a pointed look on his face. The girl remained silent and held on grimly to the arm she was in charge of, lest he try make a break for it and introduce his knuckles to Kouga's nose, even though by now the two body parts were old drinking partners.

Miroku sighed when all his question did was make the hanyou glare harder at the grinning wolf and decided it was about time Inuyasha had a little sight-seeing tour down Memory Lane. He said, and I quote, If I find you fighting one more time before the end of term, you be expelled faster than Miroku can chat up a girl.' I think he meant it too. The boy frowned. Am I supposed to take that bit about my way with girls as a compliment or not? he added in an aside to his companion in restraining a certain irate hanyou.

Inuyasha opened his mouth to voice some suitably witty come-back and found himself sadly lacking in the witty come-back department, much to his chagrin. So he settled for glaring at Kouga as his friends literally dragged him away. The wolf even had the audacity to laugh. He grumbled under his breath, life was so unfair. Which just _begs_ for someone to say No, it's not fair, but that's the way it is.' Unfortunately his two so-called-friends were engaged in a heated discussion on the precise location of one of Miroku's hands in relation to Sango and weren't listening to him. So he gave a disgruntled sigh and resigned himself to the ride. As he was dragged round the corner, he caught sight of a faintly familiar face, framed by jet-black hair, amongst the remaining students.

Kagome watched as the hanyou's two friends dragged him out of sight, something about his face niggled at her, as if she'd known him a long time ago. Unfortunately her memory was drawing a blank on the whole face recognition. She obviously needed to spend less time communing with her harp and more time doing crosswords. The one in the Sunday Times was supposed to be quite challenging. That was the thing about endless harp strumming; it severely lacked in mental stimulation. She shook her head. She didn't have to worry about harps now; she was human. She could do as many crosswords as she liked. But first, she had some guiding to glory to do. Yes, she would do it, just to prove to the man upstairs she could.

**~*~*~*~*~**

Still don't know what I was thinking. Teaser for chapter 2 in three and a half sentences. Let me know if I am indeed as mad as my parents claim I am or if I'm the normal one and everyone else is strange. Alternatively you could tell me if you want more. Or to make reading your reviews extra-specially exciting you could just spew forth random thoughts and ramblings as you see fit. And if you are really clever (or bored and looking for a way to pass the time) you could even do all three.

**~*~*~*~*~**

**_Scroll Two- Back to School_**

According to some angels, one's formative years at high school combined the best and the worst years of one's life into one handy, travel-sized package (one size fits all, please check the instructions on the label before washing). Kagome wasn't sure whether that was a good thing or not. Still at least she would be able to make sense of those funny squiggles in all those maths textbooks soon. _In theory at least_, she thought, idly flicking through a prime example of said textbooks, confusing to the bone... binding whatever.

A startled exclamation and a painful sounding thud, followed by some rather impressive swearing on par with that of any respectable sailor, drew her attention to the desk on her right. (It was perhaps fortunate that this occurred before she reached the page of sine curves; those nasty little buggers can _really_ mess up your head. Had this timely distraction been delayed it is highly probable that things would have turned out completely different, with Kagome spending a lot of time with the men in white coats and Inuyasha taking the decidedly glory-less path of working at the local McDonalds. But that's beside the point.)

He hadn't been awake for more than an hour and already this was shaping up to go straight in to a high ranking on Inuyasha's list of shit days. It was already a bad hair day (one of these days he would get it cut, just as soon as he could afford it. Somehow he didn't feel inclined to take Miroku up on his offer to cut it for him.) He'd also discovered a piece of homework due in in five minutes that he had completely forgotten about and therefore had not done. Not to mention his toes that had just had a rather painful encounter with the combined forces of his history and maths textbooks. (Those sine waves again.) And now to top it all off he had to deal with Kikyo. Current score: 8 on the shitiness scale.

Surely I'm not _that_ bad; you look like you've just seen a ghost. Kagome grimaced. It's the white top, isn't it? She plucked the offending garment. Makes me look even paler than usual.

Oh, quite the contrary. Miroku said from behind Inuyasha, running an appreciative gaze over her, all but drooling. You are the epitome of feminine beauty and sex appeal. Behind him Sango rolled her eyes and brought her folder down on his head.

She muttered before turning to smile at Kagome. I'm Sango, puppy-ears here is Inuyasha, She ignored Inuyasha's outraged splutter as he worked at extricating his foot. And the pervert is Miroku.

Charmed I'm sure. said Kagome, edging out of Miroku's reach. I'm Kagome.

_Kagome? Not Kikyo then?_ Well no, obviously not because a) closer inspection proved she didn't really look like his ex-girlfriend, b) her scent was different and c) she knew how to smile. That settled it; Kikyo hadn't even known _what_ a smile was.

New score: 5 on the shitiness scale (yes, Kikyo really is worth three points, she's that bad.)

**~*~*~*~*~**

Now here's the hard bit, working out what to put in your review. Do you put in that hilarious thing that happened the other day (y'know, that _thing_) or randomly burst into a song of your choice? Ah, you poor people perpetually in the other 23 boring hours of the day don't know what you're missing. Paint brushes aren't nearly as amusing as they are during happy hour. Teeny, tiny cards with smilely faces on them are nowhere near as hard to pick up when you're not giggling helplessly because you can't pick them up, because you're laughing too much, because you can't pick them up, because everyone else is laughing at you trying and failing to pick them up because you're laughing so hard. See?


	2. Back to School

What was I thinking? I'd love to know. 

For those of you who are concerned about my questionable sanity, I'd just like to say that I have a friend, a guy, who asked for fairy wings for his birthday last week. Of course we presented him with a pink pair and little pink wand from Girl Heaven. He wron them for threes days straight, even around town. So there are people worse than me out there. Although perhaps I should be worried that I am friends with them...

Disclaimer: Owning Inuyasha would indicate large sums of money in the bank. I don't even have an account.

**~*~*~*~*~**

**_Scroll Two- Back to School_**

According to some angels, one's formative years at high school combined the best and the worst years of one's life into one handy, travel-sized package (one size fits all, please check the instructions on the label before washing). Kagome wasn't sure whether that was a good thing or not. Still at least she would be able to make sense of those funny squiggles in all those maths textbooks soon. _In theory at least'_, she thought, idly flicking through a prime example of said textbooks, confusing to the bone... binding whatever.

A startled exclamation and a painful sounding thud, followed by some rather impressive swearing on par with that of any respectable sailor, drew her attention to the desk on her right. (It was perhaps fortunate that this occurred before she reached the page of sine curves; those nasty little buggers can _really_ mess up your head. Had this timely distraction been delayed it is highly probable that things would have turned out completely different, with Kagome spending a lot of time with the men in white coats and Inuyasha taking the decidedly glory-less path of working at the local McDonalds. But that's beside the point.)

He hadn't been awake for more than an hour and already this was shaping up to go straight in to a high ranking on Inuyasha's list of shit days. It was already a bad hair day (one of these days he would get it cut, just as soon as he could afford it. Somehow he didn't feel inclined to take Miroku up on his offer to cut it for him.) He'd also discovered a piece of homework due in in five minutes that he had completely forgotten about and therefore had not done. Not to mention his toes that had just had a rather painful encounter with the combined forces of his history and maths textbooks. (Those sine waves again.) And now to top it all off he had to deal with Kikyo. Current score: 8 on the shitiness scale.

Surely I'm not _that_ bad; you look like you've just seen a ghost. Kagome grimaced. It's the white top, isn't it? She plucked the offending garment. Makes me look even paler than usual.

Oh, quite the contrary. Miroku said from behind Inuyasha, running an appreciative gaze over her, all but drooling. You are the epitome of feminine beauty and sex appeal. Behind him Sango rolled her eyes and brought her folder down on his head.

She muttered before turning to smile at Kagome. I'm Sango, puppy-ears here is Inuyasha, She ignored Inuyasha's outraged splutter as he worked at extricating his foot. And the pervert is Miroku.

Charmed I'm sure. said Kagome, edging out of Miroku's reach. I'm Kagome.

_Kagome? Not Kikyo then?'_ Well no, obviously not because a) closer inspection proved she didn't really look like his ex-girlfriend, b) her scent was different and c) she knew how to smile. That settled it; Kikyo hadn't even known _what_ a smile was.

New score: 5 on the shitiness scale (yes, Kikyo really is worth three points, she's that bad.)

So where're you from? asked Miroku conversationally at the end of their lesson, as he crammed his notes haphazardly into his bag.

Huh? Oh, Heaven. Kagome replied absently as she copied her homework off the board, one half of her mind on getting the page numbers right and the other half wondering why she was being so enthusiastic about the Sengoku Jedai era when she had actually lived during it. Which left her mouth to answer all on its lonesome. 

Hindsight truly is a wonderful thing. It's what foresight would be if it actually arrived on time. Must be all those leaves on the line or something like that. It is often accompanied with that little sinking feeling in the stomach and the phrase Uh oh or, in extreme circumstances (like now), Oh damn.

It took a while for her brain to catch up with what she'd said. It then concluded that that hadn't been such a good idea. _Oh damn.'_

A pregnant silence fell over the group as Inuyasha, Miroku and Sango tried to make up their minds whether to laugh or edge surreptitiously away and pretend they didn't know her, while Kagome tried to come up with some appropriate cover-up story. The silence gave birth to another, and another until Inuyasha finally asked, Uh, a town called Heaven or Heaven as in angels with harps and eating Philadelphia?

Kagome blinked. They never told me we got to eat Philadelphia! She scowled. Bloody management, cheating me out of my cheese.

What on earth has Philadelphia got do with it? Sango looked from Inuyasha to Kagome and back again. Did I miss part of this conversation or something?

It was an advert for some sort of cheese. Miroku explained. It had angels sat around on their clouds eating it, I forget why.

Kagome's shoulders slumped. So no cheese?

Miroku placed a consoling hand on her shoulder. At least it started out as consoling but by the time it reached her shoulder it had an entirely different agenda.

After a reflex fist-to-pervert's-nose reaction Kagome shouldered her bag and stepped over the twitching heap that was Miroku, Sango and Inuyasha close behind.

Think you could teach me that punch sometime? Sango asked as they left the room.

Having sorted out that Kagome was indeed from the Heaven with lots of angels and the big guy with a beard and sandals (but minus the cheese) in an intense discussion that involved lots of hand gestures -leading to three passers-by nearly becoming blind in one or both eyes and several old ladies calling the police to report some escaped patients from the district mental hospital- the three of them stopped off at the local McDonalds. A large poster adorned the door trying, but not very successfully, to sell the joys of working in a loud, greasy, unfashionable environment to the incredibly image conscious teenage population of Tokyo. Some ideas never work.

Hey, Inuyasha! You could work here, get some money. Sango grinned pointing at the poster. Whereupon Inuyasha gave her a look that quite clearly said What kind of loser would work here?' as they walked up to the counter.

Can I help anyone? Kouga asked, sporting a name badge with _three_ gold stars.

Inuyasha's eyebrows shot up so far they disappeared beneath his bangs -which actually wasn't that far because his bangs were getting rather _long_- while Kagome laughed, hastily turning it into a cough when the wolf glanced at her.

_Three_ stars? Sango peered at his badge.

Kouga puffed out his chest, he was immensely proud of his three gold stars; he'd worked so hard to achieve each one. Only two more to go and then he'd have the whole set. Which would take longer to polish every night, but it would be worth it.

Had he chosen a more how shall we put it? A more in' job, his reputation as the school bully and general hard guy would have stayed intact. However Inuyasha was already planning, with extremely unholy glee, on how to make this public knowledge. It would involve posters, lots of them. And plenty of embarrassing photos. All over the place. It was going to be so much _fun_.

He was so engrossed in his poster designs he didn't notice how his mouth curved up into a wicked, toothy grin. Or how he was rubbing his hands together like a taxman about to rob yet another innocent soul of their hard-earned savings. Sango and Kagome noticed and edged away, as did several other customers in the near vicinity.

Kouga, through super-youkai control, managed to keep his welcoming, Happy-to-help smile in place, although his hands balled into fists either side of the till. 

Something funny, inu-kuro?

Inuyasha's self-preservation instinct kicked in then (it may come as a surprise but yes, he does actually have one.) 

Hmm? I was just trying to figure out which incredibly unhealthy, unlikely-to-contain-real-meat burger to have with my salty, limp fries.

It just doesn't work very well.

By the time Miroku had got his slightly bruised self through the door and the large crowd of spectators, Inuyasha stood over a decidedly beaten Kouga like a triumphant champion, gloating.

He was a very bad winner. However Kouga was an even worse loser. It wasn't something he got much practice at.

He glowered at the hanyou, or as best he could from his prone position facedown on the floor. At such close quarters he could see that it _really_ needed a clean. And he knew just who to use for a mop. Revenge would be sweet indeed.

**~*~*~*~*~**

I really don't have a thing against McDonald's workers, although some of them could give a Little Chef waitress a run for her money in a test of speed; they're too busy chatting to do an order. And they _always_ skimp on the fries.

For some reasons unknown to all but ff.net it decided to ignore all of my paragraph spacing on the last chapter. I may fix it, I may not. It all depends if I can tear myself away from those teeny, tiny cards long enough for me to get online and repost. No, I am not addicted to the things.


	3. Confusing Crosswords

You'll never guess how long this has been sat waiting for me to post, shame on me. Bad Milkshake! smacks hand Still, it's here now, better late than never, ne?

Disclaimer: It's depressing how little stuff I actually do own.

**_Scroll Three – Confusing Crosswords_**

_A, blank, S, blank, S, blank, A, blank, T Aide reforms Satanists. Aide reforms Satanists? Politicians? God, no. They _never_ reform.' _Kagome chewed on the end of her biro, deep in thought and completely oblivious to the not-so-muted argument taking place over her head. However the rest of the patrons of the café they'd relocated to didn't have the luxury of blissful oblivion and so were treated to the full monty.

You just had to piss him off, didn't you?! Do you derive pleasure from getting your ass kicked and plastic splinters lodged in your shoulder?!

Miroku's outburst was met with a glare from Inuyasha that could have curdled milk and an attempted punch just to illustrate his displeasure. An attempted punch because Sango had just twisted his arm pointedly, thus saving Miroku from obtaining yet more bruises for his collection. The hanyou briefly entertained the idea of taking on both his friends but then realised he probably wouldn't have any friends afterwards if he did that. So he settled for grumbling under his breath instead.

_Reformed Satanists? HmmOw! Jesus bitch, can't you be a bit more gentle?! Inuyasha's grumbling abruptly turned into an outraged yell as Sango yanked out another plastic splinter from his shoulder._

_Excuse me?!_ You're one who got into a fight with Kouga surrounded by heaps of plastic cutlery! Sango snapped back, pulling the next splinter out with a little more force than was actually required. It's your own fault you have pieces of plastic spoons lodged in your shoulder. She cringed. And now you're making me sound like my Mum.Yeah but - Silence greeted Kagome's triumphant exclamation. I'm so stupid, it was right there in front of me! what's right in front of you? Inuyasha titled his head quizzically at her.

Miroku leaned over, gaze travelling down to Kagome chest. The man of your dreams? She stiffened before clamping an arm across her chest and slapping him across the face.

Sleazy hentai. Sango muttered.

No, not the man of my dreams, the answer to the crossword clue. Kagome shot the appropriately chastised Miroku a look and started to write in the answer.

What? The answer is hentai? Inuyasha asked, starting to get a bit confused now.

Sango gave the offending puzzle a look she normally reserved for Miroku at his most perverted. What kind of crossword would have that as one of the answers?If that's the answer, what on earth is the clue?! Inuyasha asked, peering over Kagome shoulder to read the clue. Aide reforms Satanists'? How did you get hentai from that? Kagome sighed and put her head in her hands. And this is the guy I'm supposed to guide to glory? God help me.

It wasn't until she became aware of the pressing silence that she figured she'd said that bit out loud. _Ooh, bad Kagome. Bad, bad. Explain that one away.'_

Great. They probably already think I'm mad, claiming to be from Heaven. Now they going to think I'm stark raving loony!' Why is it that whenever you want a hole to open up and swallow you they never listen? (It's a good job they listen when you _don't_ want them open up and swallow you. Otherwise it could get a bit inconvenient to be suddenly engulfed right in the middle of doing something. I'm sorry. Jimmy can't come to school today because the ground swallowed him in the middle of breakfast. Like the teacher's gonna believe _that._ Poor Jimmy would probably end up with extra homework or something. But I digress.)

You're supposed to be guiding _Inuyasha_ to glory?! Miroku managed to ask before he collapsed into laughter. Have fun trying that! Sango didn't even bother to comment but clutched weakly at Miroku as she giggled helplessly.

And just what is so funny about that? Inuyasha inquired icily, raising an eyebrow in a manner that promised plenty of pain in fairly short order.

Miroku hastily cleared his throat, unwilling loose any vital limbs just yet, while Sango wiped the tears from her eyes. Absolutely nothing at all. Inuyasha remained unconvinced but didn't pursue the matter further in favour of tackling his strawberry milkshake.

So, you were serious? About the guiding and the glory and Inuyasha being the one? Miroku asked after a while, slurping the last remaining drops of his milkshake up with his straw.

Kagome blinked. You believe me? You're not secretly thinking I'm as mad as the loopy old man who lives in the apartment across the hall from me?He the one who always wears purple, furry slippers and calls everyone Irene? Inuyasha wanted to know.

I know him! Sango exclaimed and shuddered. He tried to chat me up the other day at the bus-stop.

Miroku grinned and, affecting the quivering voice of an old man, said, Come here often, Irene? He would have been bruise-less if he had just stopped there and _not_ leered at Sango. As it was he now sported a rather fetching handprint on his cheek.

You'd think he'd have a better chat up line after all those years, ne? Miroku shook his head. That one is so overused.

There was an astounded silence from the two girls. As if that would make it any better! I mean, those slippers of his are enough to turn anyone off and he's so _old_, not to mention there's his whole Irene complex. Sango pointed out.

It's when he starts calling _me_ Irene that gets me. Hello? My brother is the one who looks like a girl, not _me_! Inuyasha huffed indignantly and then paused in thought. Come to think of it, he never calls Sesshoumaru Irene. It's always Mr Sesshoumaru, sir'.

Miroku nodded wisely. That's because he's too scared of your brother to call him Irene.So why isn't he scared of _me_?Because he knows you're not as strong as your brother. Miroku replied instantly and without thinking. Then, as he hid behind Sango. Please don't hit me.

Inuyasha eyed him and then shook his head. So! What we were talking about before the Irene guy? Sango asked brightly, effectively changing the topic before yet another fight broke out.

About my guiding Inuyasha to glory. Kagome said quietly, uncomfortably aware of the annoyed or curious stares of the other customers. It's a task I was set by the Heavenly Host. Well actually all they said was I had to guide someone to the path of glory and that I'd know who when I saw him. she paused and eyed Inuyasha. Which is why I'm really hoping I'm not wrong. Do you know how many men there are on this planet?! It took me long enough to find _you_!So, you're saying, Inuyasha mused, I'm going to be famous or something? Cool!

Kagome frowned; she hadn't even been told what kind of glory she was supposed to be guiding Inuyasha to. It could be world-famous-with-lots-of-money-type glory, or it could be just personal glory. Heck, it could be anything! guess so.Wait, hang on a moment. Inuyasha held up his hand, brows drawn together in a puzzled frown. If you really are an angel, where are your wings and your halo?

Kagome sighed, doodling round the edge of her crossword puzzle. It's part of the task, I have to do it as a human, hence the going to school with you and such. I got a memo about a week after I'd started searching. Stupid internal mail, always takes ages to get to the next department. She looked up at the three curious faces that were regarding her over their empty glasses. You probably don't believe me without any proof, ne?

Miroku blinked and shook his head. Course we believe you. Stranger things have happened. He said breezily.

Yeah, like Inuyasha actually having enough money to pay for his milkshake. Sango grumbled as the waitress came over with the bill and once again Inuyasha gave her the puppy-dog eyes treatment. I can remember a time when you used to buy _other_ people things, not the other way round.

The silver-haired hanyou sighed. Yeah, but that was before Sesshoumaru went vegetarian. Now there's nothing edible in the whole house! I have to keep on buying real food. Sorta puts a dent in your wallet.

They paid the waitress and began gathering their coats and bags together. By the way, what _was_ the answer to that crossword clue? Inuyasha asked as they went out the door.

****

sniggers A veggie Sesshoumaru. He was originally going to be on a diet but I was writting some of the next chapter and came up with the idea of him going veggie. It just tickled my funny bone.

Press the button, go on, press it. And if you are really bored you could always try and figure out the answer to the crossword clue, answers on a postcard, please. Of course if it really bugs you I'll tell you the answer next chapter.


	4. Maths and Questionnaires

For some reseaon known only to the computers and staff at ff.net the formatting on the last chapter was completely ignored. Again. Is it my evil sphere of influence over all things technological at work again?

Disclaimer: Bleh.

**_Scroll Four – Maths and Questionnaires _**

This is so unfair. Kagome muttered as she turned her key in the lock, trying to keep hold of a pile of textbooks in one arm at the same time.

Well I'm not exactly over the moon about it either. Inuyasha pointed out from behind her. I've got way better things to do with my time.

Kagome gave a disbelieving snort and jiggled the key again. Look, you stupid lock She dropped her books into an untidy heap on the floor and tried the key again. Okay, I'm calm I am _not_ locked out of my apartment just a slight technical difficulty, that's all. Kagome pounded the door in frustration. Oh for God's sake, let me _in!_ She shoved hard on the door for emphasis but it remained stubborn to the core and refused to budge an inch.

Shaking his head, Inuyasha elbowed the black-haired girl out of the way. C'mere, let me do it. He shoved his shoulder against the door, nodding in satisfaction when it grudgingly shifted slightly. Right, the trick now was to get it open but not to fall through when it did. It's one of those male ego things. And through sheer fluke he managed to pull it off.

Picking up her mountain of assorted books and notes, Kagome followed Inuyasha through her now open door, nudging it shut behind her with her foot. Don't you dare lock me in here either. She muttered at the door and turned to find Inuyasha watching her with an amused smile on his face. 

Y'know, they say talking to inanimate objects is a sign of madness. He drawled, casually inspecting his claws and grinning when Kagome glared at him and stalked past.

_Why of all men did it have to be _him_?'_ Kagome mentally grumbled as she dumped her stuff on a low coffee table in the living room and carried on to the kitchen. _More to the point, why did Sensei pick him to be my maths tutor?'_ Actually there was good reason why Kagome was stuck with Inuyasha to help her with her maths: the alternatives were much worse. Considering the other options were Miroku and a boy called Hojou, who reputedly had a crush on her even though he'd only known her a day tops, she couldn't really complain.

Do you want a drink? She asked as she put the electric kettle on. I'm making a tea for myself, if you want one.

Inuyasha looked up from where he was ensconced on her sofa, stroking her cat, Buyo. That'll do me. Then in an awed tone, This is the _fattest_ cat I've ever seen!

Kagome carefully looked at Buyo who was still happily purring while Inuyasha tickled his tummy. He might hear you.

Inuyasha looked from her to the cat and back again. 

He doesn't take kindly to being called the f word'. Kagome whispered conspiratorially as she went back to making two mugs of tea. Inuyasha shrugged and turned his attention to the rest of the room. Or would have done if a bright glow hadn't caught his eye. It grew larger and larger, almost blinding in its light until it disappeared altogether leaving a plump, elderly angel in its place.

What the fuck?!

Two bright eyes looked at him over a pair of half-moon spectacles. Mind your language, Inuyasha. And close your mouth. He shut it with an audible click and folded his arms across his chest in a huff.

Kaede, you have such impeccable timing, I've just made a cup of tea. Would you like one? inquired Kagome, leaning over the breakfast counter and not looking the least bit surprised to see the angel in her living room reprimanding Inuyasha.

Well, since you are making one The older angel silently congratulated herself; she had timed it just right, down to the exact second and sat down in the armchair opposite the sofa. While I'm here I need you to answer a few questions for me. She added as Kagome set down a steaming mug front of her.

Uh, sure. Kagome nudged her school stuff out of the way to make room for hers and Inuyasha's mugs. Fire away.

Taking the lid off her pen, the older angel brought out a clipboard and opened a several page booklet. It's just really a formality, the Council needs to know that we're providing a valuable service to the community and that they should continue to give us financial backing for another year. After which we have to fill out yet more forms. She smiled tiredly. Okay, the first one is easy; your name.

Kagome gave it and took a sip of her tea, trying to surreptitiously read the questions upside down and failing miserably. With a sigh she settled back against the sofa and sank into its welcoming embrace. Her cloud hadn't exactly been the most comfortable seat in the world, what with the constant feeling that she would fall right through any minute, and this sofa beat it hands down. No way was she going to part with _this_ little treasure.

Name of your charge. That would be you, Inuyasha. The hanyou jumped at the mention of his name and tried to look as though he'd been listening the whole time and not staring at Kaede's wings and halo. Fortunately for some reason Kaede seemed to already know all about him and he was saved from admitting he didn't have clue what was going on. With people like Inuyasha one always finds that their reputation travels ahead of them. Of course, it could also be that Kaede had looked him up on the Heaven database beforehand.

Time spent on Earth. Kaede was saying

Does that mean time in total spent on Earth or time spent guiding on Earth? Kagome asked, halfway through counting the months out on her fingers.

Well, it doesn't say here. Let me just look it up in the instructions. Kaede mused and pulled a book even thicker than the form out of her robes. Let's see, section one Question 1a? No, that's not it. She flicked a couple more pages over. Ah ha, here we go, question 3a part 2. And no. It doesn't say there either.

Well that's bloody typical, isn't it? Inuyasha muttered, blatantly ignoring the reproving look Kaede directed his way.

I'd say it's the total time spent on Earth. It's the most logical thing. She resettled her glasses and took a swig of her tea.

Yeah, but the people who think up these forms aren't exactly renowned for their logical thinking or common sense. Inuyasha pointed out, giving a cat-like stretch before sinking down even further into Kagome's sofa and wondering if Kagome would notice if he took it home with him.

Just put down the total: six months. Kagome said, proving that indeed women can do two things at once by sipping her tea as she ferreted around under the coffee table for a sheet of notes that had just made a bid for freedom. In fact she was doing three things at once; sipping her tea, fishing out her notes _and_ keeping track of the conversation. Women really are multitalented.

Six months. Kaede ticked the correct box and went on to the next question. Reason for becoming a Guide. Kagome went still, hoping that Kaede wouldn't spill the exact nature of her task. Although the way her luck had been recently, she would probably inform the entire neighbourhood. The options are a) Destiny, b) you are already a Guardian Angel, c) you are a mortal set a task by the Gods, or d) you are an angel set a task by the Gods to redeem yourself. I'll tick option D then.

Yup, her luck was just plain _un_lucky. At least Kaede hadn't shouted it out for all to hear. It wasn't much of a blessing, but it was a blessing nonetheless. She only hoped Inuyasha hadn't been listening at that point.

You're redeeming yourself? What did you do? Oh well, so much for that. Seriously, what did you do that needs redeeming? the hanyou pressed, alert and interested (a deadly combination.)

_Don't tell him, don't tell him. _Please_ don't tell him'_

Kagome sat up and shook her head and mimed cutting her throat for added emphasis. She set God's robes on fire. What? Kaede added when Kagome spluttered indignantly. He has a right to know. Besides he won't tell anyone, right? Kaede turned to the blinking hanyou. Will you?

Inuyasha burst out laughing, clutching his stomach and doubling over, muffling his continued laughter.

Kagome put her head in her hands. It was just like the incident with Kouga all over again. Only much, much worse.

.

.

So how come you set God on fire? Inuyasha asked out of the blue some hours later as he tried to figure out what would have caused the normally cool headed Kagome to do such a thing. Maybe if the deity had pissed her off enough

Kagome looked blank, trying to equate his question with the quadratic equation she was in the middle of working out.

I said, why did you set God on fire? Inuyasha repeated, leaning over the coffee table and tugging a lock of her hair. C'mon, spill. And don't play dumb either. He added.

She shot him a glare. I didn't set _God_ on fire, it was only his robes. Completely different. She sniffed and went back to her x's and y's that did _not_ make 2z.

Uh-uh, none of that. Inuyasha singsonged, grabbing hold of her maths book and biro and holding them out of her reach. Not until you tell me why.

Kagome pouted and after a while, gave up trying to reach her book and pen. It would only make Inuyasha feel superior about his height anyway. I don't know how I did it. One minute I'm talking to Him and the next, poof! Up in flames. Simple as that. Now give me back my stuff.

You must have done _something._ Inuyasha hurriedly handed her book back when she reached out to tweak his ears. God only knew how she'd found out about his pet hate. Maybe that Kaede had told her seeing as she seemed to know everything about him. He was pretty sure he hadn't inadvertently dropped any hints.

His internal musings were rudely interrupted by a rather computerised impression of cow mooing. There must be a good reason why I can hear a cow in the middle of His query trailed off as Kagome rose and answered a black and white splodged telephone.

It's for you. She held out the piebald handset for him. Don't ask. She said when he gave it a funny look. It came with the apartment.

He took it from her and was greeted by the tones of his half-brother.

Are you planning on coming home at all tonight, Inuyasha? Or were you planning on camping out on that poor girl's sofa? Sesshoumaru asked dryly.

Inuyasha gave Kagome's sofa a longing look, trying to work out if it would fit in the boot of his car or whether he'd have to fold down the back seats.

Are you listening, Inuyasha?

Huh? What did you say? Inuyasha turned his attention away from all thoughts of the sofa and back to the matter at hand. In the slight silence that followed he could almost hear his brother rolling his eyes and shaking his head.

I said, Sesshoumaru paused to make sure the hanyou was still paying attention. I have a new recipe for a casserole that's got soya beans and Inuyasha's mind wandered during the ensuing list of ingredients. By the time Sesshoumaru had finished he didn't have a clue what this casserole had in it, not that mattered because he didn't hold much with his brother's vegetarian-friendly food. One bite of that vegetarian ham had put him off for life. Nothing edible should taste of old dishcloths.

I'll just pick up something on the way home. He said when Sesshoumaru paused for breath.

Oh. Okay. Don't be late.

Kagome gave him a questioning look as he replaced the handset back on the hook. Who was it? She was leaning over the back of the sofa to tickle Buyo's rotund stomach as he reposed among the cushions.

Sesshoumaru, my half-brother. He didn't add his opinion that Buyo was definitely the fattest cat he'd ever seen because the cat was giving him an incredibly threatening look. Never mind the fact that in fair fight Inuyasha would win hands down, Buyo was a cat who defended his shape in sneaky ways. Like kneading on the tenderest spot he could find. Inuyasha wasn't about to take that risk; he wasn't smart, but he wasn't that stupid either.

**.....**

Trust me, when a cat kneads, it hurts. A lot. Especially on your neck, right next to your jugular. ...I think my cats are trying to tell me something. Vampires, d'you think?


	5. That's his tail!

Without KittyLynne (of _The Promise_ and _Leather and Lace_ fame) the latter part of this chapter would not be, so thanks for the review that spawned the idea ::hands KL a saucer of cream:: You rock, hon.

Disclaimer: If I owned it, I would know if it really is his tail

**_Scroll Five - "That's his _****tail!****_"_******

When Kagome arrived at her science class the following morning it was with a great deal of trepidation. When she had last been on Earth they hadn't even invented science, least not in an academic sense. In a practical sense it was everywhere, but no-one had to write an _essay_ on it. And there certainly hadn't been all those big words like _peristalsis_ and _thermodynamics_. She was really beginning to wish she'd paid a bit more attention to world below her all those years in Heaven, rather than just dismissing it as a blob of earth with warring people on it.

So it was with some apprehension she took the lab coat offered by the Sensei and sat on the stool next Inuyasha. The heading on the board had her stomach engaging in wonderful imitations of a sinking ship, complete with authentic seasickness effects as an added bonus.

_Exothermic Reactions._

"Relax." Inuyasha murmured in her ear. "It just means we're burning stuff to see if it gives out energy, in this case heat and light." He gave a quiet chuckle. "But no fancy celestial tricks this time."

Kagome bristled and turned to him with a scowl. "I told you not to mention that to anyone." She hissed, before glancing around to make sure no-one else had heard.

"I'm not mentioning it to just _anyone_." The hanyou pointed out, amusement still dancing in his amber eyes. "You're the one that did it in the first place."

For a while Kagome briefly entertained the notion that Inuyasha would be much easier to guide to any form of glory if she just bashed him over the head and dragged him to it. She turned to him with a sweet smile. "Kaede mentioned something about your cute lil' puppy ears…" Her voice trialled off and she raised her gaze meaningfully to his now flattened ears.

He'd been right; the old biddy _had_ slipped that fact to Kagome. Damn. Why not just slap a lead on him and call him Rover, it came to the same thing; control. Over him to boot. He voiced a put out sigh and turned to the board.

"Just don't mention it period." Kagome whispered as the Sensei began the register.

The clock ticking on the wall showed another fifteen minutes until the end of the lesson and Kagome was copying out the rough notes taken during the experiment when it hit her unexpectedly. Homesickness. When she had left Heaven it had never occurred to her that she would miss it with such intensity, or that she would miss it at all. Now she found herself thinking back on those all night harp marathons with the girls with a distinct longing in her heart. It was official, she was going mad. Wanting all night harp marathons instead of chemistry lessons? Even if chemistry wasn't exactly the most interesting thing in the world she still got to blow things up, which was always fun. (It is perhaps wise to point out that this is not the kind of thing to admit to in public as it tends to get one slapped in a fireproof cell faster than you can say "pyromaniac".) But choosing endless renditions of _Greensleeves_ over burning magnesium and watching the pretty flare it made? She had to be off her rocker.

Kagome sighed and tried to put it out of her head for the remaining ten minutes of the lesson. Twenty-five seconds later she threw down her pen in a fit of frustration and put her head in her hands. It wasn't working. Now she was missing the singing.

Inuyasha watched Kagome out of the corner if his eye as he packed away his books. Towards the end of the lesson she been rather subdued and he had detected a strange mixture of sadness and frustration to her movements. Once she had packed all her things away she remained seated on the stool, face pressed into her hands. The hanyou cocked his head to one side, eyes and ears trained on her hunched form.

"Kagome?" He reached out a hand to touch her shoulder, only to snatch it back when she lifted her head. No way was he about to get caught developing a soft spot for the girl. Just didn't want her bawling her eyes out all over him, that was all. She did have that look about her, as if she was about to spill any minute.

Instead she startled him with a sarcastic laugh. "And now it's the prayer meetings." She muttered towards her hands. "God help me, I'm missing the bloody prayer meetings."

Brows drawn together in confusion, Inuyasha tried to work out exactly what she was talking about. He'd just come to the conclusion she was in fact talking an entirely different language when she slammed her fists down on the table. "God damn it!"

There was a drawn out silence following this uncharacteristic outburst and then the sensei cleared his throat. "Swearing is not allowed in this school, Higurashi."

She jumped, obviously having forgotten he was still in the room even though all the other students had long since departed for lunch. "Gomen nasai."

He nodded, satisfied. "See that it doesn't happen again."

Kagome lowered her face back to her hands as he left the room and sighed. Eventually she stood and shouldered her bag, slowly making her way to the door with Inuyasha behind her. Once out in the hall, she slumped against the wall, trying very hard not to cry. But as she stared at the ceiling, she could hear the music, hauntingly beautiful, the harps, the lilting, pure voices. She could see the faces of her angelic friends, their smiling, laughing faces. The ceiling blurred. Her chin trembled and she had to make a determined effort to stop it before her tears tumbled from her lashes.

"Kagome?"

Inuyasha's tentative query brought her back to earth and she scrubbed away the tears. She sniffed and gave him a watery smile. About to reassure the hanyou and soothe the worried concern that radiated off him, she barely had the chance to open her mouth when someone latched onto her hands. Kagome blinked and stared up at Kouga, not really hearing Inuyasha's rumbling growl at her side. The wolf gave her a winning smile, although it showed a few too many teeth for the former angel's comfort, albeit unintentionally.

"Would you go to the dance with me?"

Kagome's jaw dropped and a good two minutes later it occurred to her that she was beginning to resemble a fish fly catching. She closed it and resumed staring at the wolf as if he'd grown a third head. Kouga himself was beginning to feel distinctly uncomfortable under the weight of her stare. Eventually Kagome's brain caught up with events and decided now would be a good time to answer. Having reached this decision, Kagome then had the daunting task of working out what she was actually going to say. Fortunately Inuyasha did it for her.

"She can't." He stepped up along side her and glared at Kouga.

Kagome nodded in agreement and then, a beat. "I can't?"

Inuyasha ignored her. "She's already going with someone."

"I am?" For the briefest of moments Inuyasha wondered if the burning magnesium had frazzled her brains and then a glimmer of understanding dawned in her eyes. "I am." She smiled at the wolf. "Gomen."

He didn't release her hands, eyes flicking suspiciously from Kagome to Inuyasha and back again. "With who?"

"Uh…"

Inuyasha dropped a casual arm over her shoulders and grinned smugly at Kouga. The wolf looked from Kagome to Inuyasha and back again. He opened and closed his mouth several times, glaring at Inuyasha, clearing wanting to say something but lacking the mental power to actually articulate the words. Inuyasha's grin grew wider; he was enjoying this. Eventually Kouga dropped Kagome hands and turned and stalked back up the hall. Inuyasha and Kagome watched him until he disappeared out of sight.

"No loitering in the halls please." A passing sensei chivvied them outside.

"You're joking." Kagome said flatly, staring at Inuyasha's profile as they negotiated the rush hour traffic.

Inuyasha cast her a sideways glance and drummed his claws on the steering wheel, wishing he'd had the chance to fortify himself with a strong, black coffee before starting this conversation. Although perhaps a good glassful of Sesshoumaru's best brandy would have been better. Either way that wasn't going to help him now. A strip of sellotape and a pair of earplugs on the other hand...

"You could have told me earlier. Like when we first met."

The hanyou ignored her as he concentrated on not letting in the taxi that was trying to jump the queue by overtaking in the right-hand lane. Said taxi driver then shook his fist at them and shouted something rude of his window. Inuyasha replied in like with a two fingered salute and an equally rude, if not ruder, yell. Road rage; they sure do start 'em young these days.

"It's not that I _mind_ per se, I'm just wondering if I'm going to come home from this with all my limbs attached and still breathing."

God, he had another twenty minutes of this, forty if they continued going at a crawl, before he got home. Perhaps he should have told her earlier, or not at all. He'd just thought it would be politic to warn Kagome of his brother's –no, _half-_brother's choice of occupation before she met him face to face. Okay so it wasn't exactly choice, more like a family run business that he was expected to take over after their father had died. All very traditional, handed down from father to son throughout the generations, whether the son wanted it or not. Of course those that wanted out tended to succumb to rather nasty accidents fairly soon after voicing this desire.

"And if I get killed, who's going to feed and look after Buyo for me?"

This got a barely disguised snort from Inuyasha, who was of the opinion that it probably wouldn't do Buyo much harm to go without food for a while. In fact he'd probably come out better for it. Not that he mentioned this of course; Kagome was fiercely protective of her cat.

"…"

He could hardly believe it. It seemed that Kagome had finally run of things to say. Praise the Lord and pass the sake!

She was still speechless when Inuyasha pulled into the drive of Sesshoumaru's rather palatial abode in an upmarket neighbourhood, exactly forty minutes later.

"You live in _that?_" Well, not quite speechless.

"Come on, do you really think he'd live in some two tatami mat room in the middle of town?"

"I know you said he had bags of money; I just didn't realise quite how many bags he had."

It was true. Sesshoumaru was absurdly rich. Mind you he got paid good for what he did. And he did it well. Which was why he had money to spare for all his organically grown, specially for vegetarians, ridiculously expensive food. Inuyasha only hoped it was some fad he'd grow out of, sooner rather than later, and then they could get some proper food in the house.

He unlocked the front door and led Kagome in, waving aside the squat, toad-like youkai who started to bow and scrape at their feet before realising Inuyasha was _not_ Sesshoumaru, (a fact we can all be grateful for) and that the figure descending the stairs in fact _was_. Hence his mad scrabble across the floor and the bowing and scrapping that ensued at Sesshoumaru's feet.

Kagome stared. _This _was Inuyasha's older brother? And was that _eyeshadow?_

She gave a small smile in return to his greeting and watched as he disappeared into the kitchen. Then, very quietly, she said:

"If he's a vegetarian, why is he wearing that great big fur stole?"

Inuyasha made a strange noise, somewhere between a laugh and a cough, clamped a hand over his mouth and ducked into the living room, pulling Kagome with him. Quietly he began to laugh, hand still clamped over his mouth in an effort to keep quiet, then moved it in favour of clutching his sides as he sank down onto the sofa, laughing silently. Eventually he managed to calm himself enough to say in between giggles,

"That's his _tail!_" before he burst into all out gales of laughter. Kagome went pink.

He'd just managed to persuade himself to breathe again when Sesshoumaru appeared in the doorway, no doubt curious as to the source of his half-brother's merriment. Unfortunately the sight of him set Inuyasha off again and Sesshoumaru gave up trying to get any sense out of him and went back to his tofu salad he'd left in the kitchen.

Kagome was now a bright, neon shade of puce. Bright enough to put a 100 watt bulb to shame. Perhaps she really should start looking into small, affordable holes in the ground to swallow her up. E-bay had some going at rock bottom prices the other week.

**............**

****

I have actually no idea what Sesshoumaru's white fluffy thing is... Maybe it's just there to look good and serves no other purpose at all...

On the other hand I do know what Sesshoumaru actually does for a living, I'm just not telling. Not yet anyway.

I also know the answer to that crossword question a couple of chapters back. That I am telling. Clue: Aide reforms Satanists. Answer: assistant -anagram of satanists, hence the reform bit of the clue and aide is another word for assistant. And that was out of the easy crossword in the local newspaper. I can't even get my head round the ones in the national papers. Those require interlect and an education. Oh, and a memory to remember all that education.

Finally, thank you to all you lovely people who left reviews. With any luck I'll get around to doing a response bit soon... she says...

Bloody doesn't show asterixes now -.-


	6. Interlude Garden of Eden

This is purely a whim to amuse myself. Review responses are down the bottom btw.

Disclaimer: Not mine, none of it. Otherwise I could be filthy rich and the leader of a worldwide religion.

**_Interlude_**

There are some who say God is male, there are others who claim God is female. There are some who say God is black and there are some who say God is white. It would probably come as a surprise to these people that God is in fact none and all of the above. Meaning God is a s/he of no determinable racial background. (It is perhaps wise to point out at this juncture that God is _not_ an it. God doesn't take kindly to being called It. Something to do with connotations of inanimate objects with no ability to think for themselves, much like a good politician.)

At this point in time God is sprawled out on a sumptuous chaise lounge in the Garden of Eden, watching a large widescreen TV, complete with Dolby Digital 5.1 stereo surround sound and enhanced picture quality. God is also in the form of an eight year old girl with pigtails. (And that's going cause a heck of a lot of confusion with the pronouns, so from this point on God will be referred to as a she, in spite of the fact that is not biologically correct.)

The Archangel Gabriel heaved a sigh as the sounds of a Pokémon battle reached his ears. Why was it always his turn in the reception when she was masquerading as an eight year old? Angels who had appeared to the Virgin Mary should not be reduced to babysitting a petulant child, even if she did happen to be the Almighty One. He had a busy enough schedule as it was without having to find time to pick out the bits of food from his hair after another one of her tantrums. Normally he would just grin and bear it but last time she had thrown a dish of melted ice-cream and mashed up banana at him. Getting that out had taken hours.

He shook himself from his inner rantings and went to organise the small mountain of paper that rested below a slot suspended in midair. Eventually he stood back and admired his hard work. Seven hours and twenty cups of tea later and he had a nice, neat, tidy pile with each prayer in chronological order with the most recent on top. He placed the last sheet on top and watched as the pile wobbled dangerously. He breathed a sigh of relief as it remained upright.

A sheet slipped through the slot and floated gently down onto the pile. Gabriel held his breath. The pile swayed like a drunkard swiftly loosing the battle against gravity. Gabriel prayed. Another sheet fell from the slot; his prayer. He covered his eyes and whimpered. The sound of a thousand sheets of paper cascading to the floor reached his ears. He risked a peek between his fingers. The small mountain had appeared again.

"Fishhooks!"

(Due to the taboo surrounding swearing, the denizens of Heaven have had to come up with new words to voice their displeasure, ranging from the relatively mild 'fishhooks' and 'fiddlesticks' to the frowned upon 'souffl'.)

Gabriel eyed the fallen stack and decided it was about time he brought this to his boss's attention. He sidled into the Garden and hesitantly cleared his throat. God was singing along to the English theme tune of Sailor Moon in the way that only an eight year old can; badly. Very badly. Not that anybody was going to point this out and Gabriel certainly wasn't going to risk another bowl of melted ice-cream and mashed up banana in the face by telling her. He was very protective of his shiny, golden curls. He did have an image to maintain after all. He couldn't exactly appear to some cowering mortal with bits of food stuck in his hair, what kind of impression would that give?

God looked up and caught sight of him dithering in the doorway. She began to glow, her body growing taller, until a tall, unisex figure stood in her place. Gabriel straightened slightly. This he could deal with. For some reason he found her scarier as a young girl than when she was practically dripping with all her awe-inspiring omnipotent-ness. Raphael had called him silly when he'd mentioned this. Perhaps it had something to with the fact that she didn't stoop as low as to throw food at him in this form.

"The prayers are building up again, Almighty One."

The Archangel cringed at the sound of his voice. Stood to reason that he'd be dubbed as some surfer dude from Southern California. Just because he was blond. Given his druthers he'd much prefer to be left in the original Japanese and subtitled. At least then he didn't sound like he was completely out of it while high on salt water.

God rubbed her eyes and sighed. "You take a day off and the work piles up. What have we got?"

Gabriel shifted through the small armload he'd brought with him. "Well, there's the usual. A President and a Prime Minister hoping they make it through the next election. There's an old man with a fetish for purple slippers and an Irene complex asking if people would stop giving him strange looks, one from a well-known manga artist who wants people to stop subjecting her characters to torture in fanfiction. She also wants fans to stop trying to kidnap her characters, at least until they finish the series. One from some bloke praying the bullet won't hit him -hey!" He looked closer at the prayer. "Poor guy, I saw him come through the Pearly Gates while I was talking to Michael the other day. Guess he didn't make it."

God sighed. "These were the ones they thought merited my personal attention? Send them back to the right departments. Oh, and re-direct any from David Beckham, I've lost interest in him since he moved to Spain."

"Anything else, your Awesomeness?" asked Gabriel, wincing again at the sound of his voice.

"Yes. I want you or Raphael to keep an eye on Kagome and that hanyou she's guiding. I've got Destiny breathing down my neck and it'll be my fault if anything goes pear shaped. I don't care how you do it; just make sure she finishes that task properly."

She shrank back to an eight year old girl. "Now, on behalf of the Moon, I shall banish you!" She struck a Sailor Moon pose and went back to watching the TV. Gabriel sighed, back to the petty tantrums and food in his hair again.

Uriel had it so much better; she was normally a sullen teenage boy when it was Uriel's turn. That meant endless hours locked in the Garden with some music on loud and only the occasional grunt when spoken to. Compared to being horsie and having her dinner regularly thrown at him it was bliss.

He shook off his discomfort and went to check up on their errant angel and her charge.

.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.

I can't believe I wrote this… ::sweatdrop:: I can't believe I actually posted this. Damn, where did Common Sense run off to?

**Review responses:**

Aamalie – I'm very flattered, especially if you don't normally read Inu/Kag fics. Kikyo shouldn't be making too many appearances here though. I think… Possibly…

Geminia – Surprisingly I'm incredibly un-religious so I totally understand you not liking religious fics. The fire thing and the face recognition will hopefully be explained a later. I'm a bit amazed at myself for thinking that bit out already. Normally I go on the spur of the moment… Us nutcases must stick together, ne?

KittyLynne – You're making me blush here, with all those kind words ::hugs:: I love the review that never ends ::snickers:: Just think how long you could go on for… on and on and on and on and on and- you get the idea, ne? Aw, nasty heavens with their frying pan ¬.¬ ::puts plaster on KL's head:: better?

Sashlea – Glad I can make you laugh :) Did you know that if you laugh, properly, 15 times a day, you can add something like a whole extra five minutes to your life? Something like that. Or so they say anyway.

Chellek – You likey? Wai, wai!

Maru-sha – Thank you! ::sheepish look:: Sorry I haven't had time to check out your fics yet, gomen.

Bluefuzzyelf – 'Pure brilliance'? Honto? ::blushes:: Thank you very much :)

KittyLynne – Ah, cherry pie missiles? Another idea I'm storing for future use . Definitely have to get that in somewhere. Poor Kouga, I almost feel sorry for him. Almost.

Izayoi – Thank you! Veggie Sess, he's going to be so much fun when he has a few more appearances.

Pinkjingling – Short and sweet :) Thank you

face (an: for some reason certain characters won't show so I couldn't do your face) - Like the face! Kaede was just passing on orders from on high. Irene guy will be back too!

NefCanuck – I know. Poor Kagome's gonna need all the help she can get. Damn, I missed out "Do you want fries with that?" Hmm, maybe I can work it in later… ::ponders::

Kagome Sengoku – Thanks for pressing the button! And see, updates!

KittyLynne – I think I should have just done one great big reply to you :) I can just see Sess doing the shopping at the supermarket. I love your reviews; you always give me such great ideas to work with (as demostrated by the last chapter) ::big, big hug::

Empress Inuyasha – Glad you like it, and the summary –I'm not usually very good with those things. Maybe I could offer tours for people wanting to see Kouga working in McDonald's…? Earn a bit more money. Next chapter is up.

Kirah – Took me a while to work it out too, I normally stick to those ones that go 'another word for…' Aw, Puss-in-Boots! I LOVE him :) What can I say? I'm a cat-person.

Shamanic Destiny – My cats also like to chew my hair… First thing in the morning, followed by a wet nose and a loud meow in my ear. See, I actually updated!

Lady Netiri – Dogma? I haven't actually seen that, though I'm told it's very good. I shall have to go and see it sometime. Hope you like this story as much too!

Izayoi – Veggie Sess is very popular, ne? I didn't think many people would like it but you and everyone else has proved me wrong! Of course Buyo understands Inuyasha, cats are smart like that. One of my cats comes running the moment anyone mentions bacon.

Bloody Kitsune – Run away! And with good cause too. Welcome to the insanity.

Ayama Nyoko – Maybe they like the whole strong, silent thing? ::shrugs:: The Irene guy was actually one of my spur of the moment things –I'm next to useless at planning ahead ;; Glad you like it

Goddess-of-Anime – Eep, sorry you got confused! Yeah, I keep on forgetting to mention this is AU ::sheepish look:: I'll put that on the summary once I've posted this. I think kneading is something to do with being very content, so I tend to try and think of it as a compliment, although I think my cats sharpen their claws especially to do this.

Amber Tinted – Thank you! Whee! Yeah, I try and I try to make Sess a bit meaner but I can't. But if you like him like this, that's great. Actually I do too, so everybody's happy! Just out of interest, were you hyper when you reviewed? Or is my craziness affecting you?

Kikyou-san – Strange is what I do best, just look at this chapter!

Helenium – Thank you - I really thought it would just come across as weird, not funny. I want to see where it goes too, cos aside from a few ideas for the next couple of chapters, I have no idea. It's bit daunting really…

Me – Eep! I'm so glad you were just kidding ::sigh of relief:: You like my 'little' digressions and stuff? Wai! I actually do that kind of thing in real life… can lead to trouble sometimes

NefCanuck – Hello again! Heh, Inuyasha is made of stronger stuff than that - although I certainly would faint in his shoes!

Pinkjingling – Thank you!

Obsessor-of-Inuyasha – I wrote more! Glad you like it :)

Lady Netiri - ::grins:: Me too - And I updated!

Single White Rose - ::blushes:: Honto? Thank you very much. I continued.

Izayoi – Hello again! I have a regular! ::does little dance:: Glad you enjoyed it, it was fun to write. I've been thinking and I think it is his tail, cos when he transforms he has two tails and when he's human he has one bit that goes over his shoulder and another bit that goes down. But then again, like you say, who knows. Wonder if Takahashi-sama knows…

Niamh Tyhara – You must be as crazy as me if this makes sense to you, welcome to the madhouse - you don't have to be mad to live here but it helps!

Pinkjingling – Wai, another regular! ::does little dance:: I'm glad you like this :)

A Fragmented Tale - ::blushes:: You really are too kind, thank you, thank you. I'm glad you found it and you like it so much :)

NefCanuck – Wai, yet another regular! I love regulars (as if you couldn't tell) ::does happy regular dance:: Funniest scene in a long time? Honto? Thank you, that means a lot to me. I like making people laugh. Who knows, maybe we'll all live to 150 or something with all this laughter!

Kag of the Sengoku Forest – Another chapter, another dose of madness. Enjoy :)

KittyLynne – Wai! You're back! ::hugs:: Really, really sorry I missed the chat, I was on holiday. But I've been meaning to email you for ages ::sheepish look:: Bad me. I do however have one slight grievance with your review and I'm sure we'll never agree on this; **YOU** rock, I don't. Maybe I pebble or I stone, but I don't think I'm up to rock status yet ;; I will email you soon ::sticks large reminder on screen:: say hi to The Bandit for me! (…must stop being so cheeky…)

Arigato mina. You guys are simply the BEST ::group hug:: FA lives because of you .


	7. MultiVitamin Gummy Bears

Another chapter, another dose of madness, and I don't mean the band either.

Two notes before we commence, 1) I'm back at uni again on my degree proper which means lots of work; and 2), for some strange reason I have taken it upon myself to start _another_ Inuyasha/Kagome fic (why, I ask myself? Why?) which I may or I may not be posting here (if it's not here it'll be on my website, address is on my bio page.) So if you ever wonder why updates are slow, those are the reasons I'm promoting.

Many thanks to those who reviewed the interlude; I have a feeling there will be more of them. Interludes, I mean. Not that I wouldn't say no to more reviews... and I'm gonna shut up now.

Disclaimer: I own nothing except The Dance of the Asatsuki and Hashi. There were no gummy bears, chopsticks or spring onions (or scallions or whatever you call 'em) harmed in the making of this chapter.

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**_Scroll Six – Multi-Vitamin Gummy Bears_**

There was a muffled snort of mirth from Inuyasha's side of the breakfast bar.

"Shut up."

The snort developed into a soft snigger.

"Inuyasha…" A warning tone.

To his merit the hanyou did try to stifle his merriment, though he failed dismally.

"That's it."

A gummy bear hit him square on the nose but did nothing to can his laughter. If anything it made him laugh harder.

"Look, it was an easy mistake to make."

Another snort, this time slightly disbelieving.

"Well it's not like you told me much about him. I refuse to believe a job description is enough for me to go on. And now look, you've made me go wrong and I don't know where. I make x to be 6 and y to be 7. The answers say x is 4 and y is 9."

"Let me see." Inuyasha held out his hand while carefully inspecting the gummy bear before popping it in his mouth. There was a moment of silence as he went through the calculation and then checked the answers in the back of the textbook.

"Uh, Kagome?"

"Hmm?"

"You _are_ doing question six, aren't you?"

"Uh-huh."

"You were reading the answers for question seven."

"…"

Inuyasha gave a quiet snicker.

"Shut up."

Sesshoumaru leant against the wall outside the kitchen and smiled. He really must remember to thank this Kagome girl at some point; Inuyasha had been down right moody since his last girlfriend had walked off without some much as a goodbye. This was the most animated he'd been for a long time. Less than a week in Kagome's company and he was getting back to his old self. At least, he thought so; it was kind of hard to tell with Inuyasha. But thanking Kagome would have to wait; he had a business appointment to take care of first.

"Hey." said Kagome so suddenly that Inuyasha was startled from his algebra induced stupor and dropped his pen on the floor. He bent down to pick it up. "Hey."

Inuyasha gave her a rather irritated glare as he reappeared over the worktop. "Hey what?"

"I don't actually have to _go_ to that dance Kouga was on about do I?" she asked, looking slightly alarmed at the prospect. "I mean show up with you and everything."

Crap, he'd forgotten about that amid his earlier hilarity. And it was one organised by Sesshoumaru's business associates, so he would have to go anyway. "There's no need to make it sound that bad."

"But I haven't got anything to wear!"

Inuyasha sighed; typical girl, always worrying about what to wear. He didn't know why she bothered; Kagome could go wearing an old sack and none of the men would mind. She was one of those women who managed to look good in anything. Not that he was ever going to admit that to her face. He had his pride.

"Go pester Sango about it. I'm sure she or one of her sisters has something you could wear.

"Sango has sisters?" Kagome put her pen down and leaned forward eagerly. Kaede had been unable to look up Inuyasha's friends for her on the Heaven database. She hadn't exactly been allowed to look up Inuyasha either, seeing as Kagome had to fulfil the task by herself, but Kaede had been known to break the rules now and again.

"Three of them and a younger brother." Inuyasha didn't bother to look up from his work. "But that's not getting those questions done is it?"

Kagome huffed slightly and bent over her calculator again, muttering "Spoil-sport" under her breath once she was sure he wasn't listening.

"I heard that." Inuyasha prodded her head with his pen when she feigned innocence and remained peering over her calculator. "And typing 'hello' upside down on your calculator doesn't count as work."

Kagome rolled her eyes. Who would have thought that Inuyasha had this kind of side to him? Maybe their maths Sensei had died in the last few hours and Inuyasha was channelling his spirit or something similar. Or maybe he just liked to see her slave away over her book while he ate multi-vitamin gummy bears and doodled in his textbook (Sensei would have him in detention as soon as he saw that. Teachers are somewhat protective of their textbooks and woe betide the student who rips a page or writes little notes, no matter if it was an accident or someone else's fault.)

Kagome liberated a bear for herself, hoping the sugar high would put some life back into her brain cells so she could finish the last few questions and have a hard earned break. One of these days she was going to find the smart-arse who'd given the world the terror of algebra and bash him over the head with her text book. Pay back for all those mind numbing equations. And whose idea was it to have letters in maths? Maths was numbers; letters were reserved for writing and things like that. And she failed to see the point in using obscure characters from the Greek alphabet when you could just as easily write 'the sum of'. To cut a long rant short, Kagome was not enjoying maths. Something about all those numbers and squiggly lines just didn't click with her.

Still, at least we all know that Kagome won't grow up to be one of those people who start spouting poetry about maths, which is a relief because people like that can turn out quite scary. Especially on a dark night down a dark alley. Never mind the murderers and the robbers; beware the mathematician.

Elsewhere Kouga was slaving away over a hot chip fryer hoping to earn another gold star. Maybe if Kagome saw how hard he worked, she would go out with him. Poor guy, he really has no clue. One doesn't mess with Fate.

"Okay, we have tofu, various fruit and veg, and ooh- some bean burgers." Inuyasha smirked round the fridge door at Kagome. "Take-away?"

"Whoa, whoa, don't diss the bean burgers." Kagome peered into the fridge herself and then began nosing in the cupboards, taking down packets of food, some of which Inuyasha swore he'd never even heard of. Looking at the small pile that she had amounted, she gave a rueful smile. "Okay, so the bean burgers can be dissed all you want but the rest of this is perfectly edible."

Inuyasha raised his eyebrows in a manner that suggested he'd believe that when he saw it, or rather ate it.

"Here." Kagome deposited a pile of vegetables into his arms. "Make yourself useful and wash and cut those for me."

"Slave driver." Inuyasha muttered waving a reproving spring onion at her.

"Cheap manual labour." Kagome grinned as she put some ramen on. She didn't miss Inuyasha's appreciative look. "What?"

"I take it back, you're an angel. A wonderful, wonderful angel." He swatted her hand away when she felt his forehead. "Knock it off, I'm not sick."

"You sure? I could have sworn that was a compliment coming out of your mouth."

"I can make it an insult if you want." The spring onion was back in her face.

"Didn't your mother ever tell you not to play with your food?" Sesshoumaru asked from the doorway, arms folded as he regarded to pair; Inuyasha with his spring onion and Kagome with a chopstick, both poised in mid strike and parry.

He sighed and eyed the pair currently re-enacting one of the lesser known epic sword battles of Japanese yore: The Dance of the Asatsuki and Hashi, currently being adapted into a four-part film trilogy to be filmed in New Zealand (purely because it's one of the few places left in the world where you can be relatively sure there isn't going to be a huge business complex or apartment block bang slap in the centre of your nice bit of the middle of nowhere. And The Dance of the Asatsuki and Hashi requires lots of atmospheric shots way out in the back of beyond, amid all that nature. Check out the website at this rather unimaginative address of )

But, anyway, forget all about any up and coming film releases (one part to be released each year, that way the film company can enjoy the steady income of all your hard earned cash for four years instead of four months), Sesshoumaru has just caught sight of a colourful box on the counter.

"…Inuyasha? Are those _my_ multi-vitamin gummy bears?"

"Mmm." Inuyasha put his chopsticks down and leant back, patting his stomach appreciably. "That was good. Where'd you learn to cook like that?"

"I just muddled through on my own. Although a friend of mine did give me this great recipe for a vegetable balti with spinach and chickpeas." Kagome shrugged and fished the last cashew out of her bowl. She had to admit the ginger and vegetable stir fry with cashews had turned out better than she had expected. She'd just been bunging everything in together and gambling on the outcome, not that she was going to inform Inuyasha and Sesshoumaru the fact they'd just been guinea pigs in another one of her cooking experiments.

Sesshoumaru looked interested and leaned forward "What other things does this balti have in it? Do you think you could give me a copy of the recipe?"

"Sure! See, it's got sweet potatoes, red onion…"

Inuyasha rolled his eyes as Kagome began to talk his half-brother through the recipe. Trust Kagome to be mine of veggie friendly meals. Still if Sesshoumaru started cooking some of the things Kagome suggested he might just stay in for meals and ditch the take-aways. He idly wondered if Kagome would consider cooking for them more often, maybe if he cajoled Sesshoumaru into paying her. Might as well make it worth her while. Plus the house didn't seem quite so quiet and oppressive when she was around. Mind made up, Inuyasha settled down to the nitty-gritty planning of getting both Kagome and Sesshoumaru to agree to his plan.

By the time Saturday morning arrived Kagome had worked herself into a state of frantic anxiety, that wasn't helped by the fact that Buyo had thrown up grass all over the kitchen floor. Where he'd found the grass to eat in the first place she no idea. Unless he'd walked the mile to the nearest park with its modest patch of grass, which she highly doubted.

"There, that's what you eat." She said, pointing to his bowl in the kitchen. "Not grass out of somebody's window box or something. Okay?"

Buyo blinked and promptly began washing his rear end. Kagome put her hands on her hips and scowled down at him. "Do you mind? I thought cats are supposed to have some measure of modesty."

Buyo ignored her and slobbered slightly as he worked on a particularly stubborn tangle near his tail. Kagome sighed and set about clearing up his mess from the floor, nose scrunched up in distaste. That's the thing about cats; they make great pets apart from the occasional presents they have a tendency to leave lying around. Kagome should count herself lucky Buyo is housetrained and uses a litter tray. Not to mention the fact the only way he's ever going to catch a bird or mouse is if it's dead already.

When that was done she sank down onto the sofa with a sigh and sipped the tea she'd made in the hopes it would help calm her skittish nerves. Sango would be round in just over forty minutes and then they'd get ready for the dance together. Between Sango and her three sisters, they were sure to find something she could borrow for the night. And if they didn't, panic stations everyone!

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Yes, there are such things as multi-vitamin gummy bears. Though admitedly the ones that inspired this are for children under five...

And anybody who has ever sat through double maths will know that in the calculator font 01134 spells 'hello' upside down.

Hope you enjoyed, hope you review.


	8. Little Black Dress

Really happy because Queen got into the UK Music Hall of Fame and because I've just been to visit one of my best friends up in Coventry. Yay!  
Really sad because my house-rabbit had to be put down just over a week ago ::sniff::  
Really pissed because I've been trying deperately to make this chapter longer but it refuses to co-opperate ::grr...::

Disclaimer: Seriously, how much do you think it would take to convince Takahashi-sama to sell me Inuyasha...?

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**_Scroll Seven – Little Black Dress_**

Men the world over cower in fear when females come together and perform the torture otherwise known as a makeover on some poor unsuspecting mortal. Kagome was about to add herself to that list as the only honorary female member. Sango and her sisters were positively terrifying, especially when they huddled together and whispered conspiratorially, occasionally giving voice to a witch-like cackle or two, such as they were doing now.

Kagome wished she'd had the same forethought as Sango's younger brother and made herself scarce as soon as possible. Maybe in some padlocked and bullet-proof room on the other side of the world. With a personal troop of security guards and an early warning system. Better get the army and air force in on the act as well, although even that might not stop Sango at her most determined.

Kagome sighed. She might as well just face it; she was doomed. Perhaps an appropriate wail of despair was called for? Or a prince in shinning armour. Come to think of it, where was Inuyasha when she needed him? Probably watching cartoons and stuffing his face full of popcorn while she remained in front of the dreaded vanity mirror, tied to a chair by her own conscience.

There was no justice in the world.

That was her last coherent thought before Sango and her sisters descended upon her in a flurry of make-up, curling tongs and hair spray.

Now, standing at the foot of the steps of the sumptuous five-star hotel that was the location of 'The Dance', Kagome, again, had to question her wisdom in letting Sango pick her dress for the night. Sure it was a nice dress, very nice. A little, black, slinky number. But somewhat more 'little' than she was comfortable with. She tugged the hemline down again for the tenth time since getting out of the taxi four minutes earlier. Did it have to be so _short?_ You could see halfway up her _thighs,_ for Christ's sakes. A few more inches and her underwear would be on show for all to see. She was _not_ an advocate of the street-corner-harlot look.

Oh God (you listening up there?) There was Inuyasha, looking all suave and dashing in a tuxedo and accompanied by a leering Miroku. _'Thank you, Sango. Thank you _sooo_ much. I notice _you_ are wearing a full length dress without a hint of leg to be seen. Traitor.'_

Sango gave no sign of noticing the row upon row of daggers Kagome was staring at her. Either that or her talent as an actress is seriously underrated. No-one should be able to stop the slight perspiration brought on by fear when faced with the pointy end of several hundred metaphorical knives. Unless that person is a) somewhat lacking in the danger recognition department, b) safe in the knowledge that they have had all their sweat glands removed, or c) dead, in which case a metaphorical death won't bother them much, in fact it may provide a welcome distraction from the monotony of life after death (unless they happen to be a believer in reincarnation, in which case they can look forward to being reborn as an amoeba and passing the time forming temporary cytoplasmic extensions as they swim about in the great primordial soup of the petri dish before performing cell division. Damn amoebas have got it all sorted. None of this searching for a suitable partner in order to move the circle of life on one more notch.)

The joys of amoebic life aside, Sango's lack of response to the metaphorical Daggers of Death was proving to be a little boring. Especially in light of Inuyasha's wide-eyed, open-mouthed look of surprise. Surprise may be a little too bland a word for what the hanyou was currently experiencing but words failed to describe it.

He knew he had thought she would look pretty in anything but pretty didn't even begin do her justice. Incredible might. And she was all his for tonight. He couldn't wait to see the look on Kouga's face. If only he'd thought to bring along a camera to capture the moment so he could use it as future blackmail material. …Seems Inuyasha has a few more things in common with Sesshoumaru than most people think.

Miroku on the other hand was in dire need of a drip tray before his drool collected into a puddle at his feet. Lip curled up in distaste, Sango whacked him over the head with her evening purse, voicing a muttered "Pervert" under her breath as she dragged him up the steps. Inuyasha and Kagome watched his less than comfortable assent and then turned to gaze a little awkwardly at each other.

Kagome eyed Inuyasha's dinner jacket, mentally calculating the difference in length between it and her dress. After some mental abacus work she concluded that the tails would provide adequate cover for the back of her legs but the front would remain at the mercy of her dress. Besides, she was sure Inuyasha was quite enjoying the show and would only lend her his jacket if Hell froze over.

(If only he knew. Hell has been suffering from global freezing for the past couple of decades and the fires are slowly receding, put out by the increasing amounts of snowfall and encroaching ice sheets. The demons' volatile tempers mean that little scientific progress has been made in determining the cause of this phenomenon.)

But since Inuyasha was none the wiser about Hell's predicament and Kagome had forgotten the headlines plastered all over the Heaven newspapers in her little black dress induced stress, the pair made their way up the steps with an air about them of a pair attending their own funeral.

Whoa, big thunder storm happening outside. Excuse me while I go do my singing in the rain act. Back soon, unless I get hit by lightning.

So this is what humans did for fun. It was…strange. Drinking oneself silly and then throwing it all back up the following morning. More often than not it was a communal activity that usually involved what could loosely be termed as dancing and the age-old pastime of single (and sometimes married) people the world over; flirting.

Kagome took it all in, trying not to grimace too much as she took a swig of the cherry vodka a passing waiter had handed her. She probably wasn't in any position to comment, her idea of fun until a few months ago being a good old sing-song round the harps. Even so she still found herself questioning the whole point of it all. Especially when you woke up the following morning with a small earthquake going on inside your head and a mouth tasting like the bottom of a cesspit, and then no memory of what you'd been doing prior to falling unconscious.

Maybe they just feed you all the bad stories in Heaven…

She looked around for Inuyasha, having the hanyou at her side was comforting and a good way to disperse the overly interested gazes of some highly-strung males. Unfortunately he was nowhere to be seen and Kouga was bearing down at her on her left like a freight train in a bow tie and a cummerbund.

_'Urk…'_

Fortunately rescue was at hand in the form of a tall, black haired man, a couple of years older than herself.

"What man would leave a tasty titbit like yourself all alone?"

Or maybe not.

Kagome offered him a weak smile, handed him her glass and made a bee-line for the one safe-haven in the whole place; the ladies toilet.

She breathed a sigh of relief and sagged against the door as it closed behind her. What had she been thinking, agreeing to plunge headfirst into a horde of hormonal men? Even the ones with a date for the night hadn't been above giving her the once over. It was the dress. She was sure of it. This little minx of a black dress. It was enjoying this, the sneaky collection of synthetic fibres and stitching with the sparkly rhinestones. Never trust clothing that thinks for itself, because clothing like that will have doubtless developed a cunning streak and give you more trouble than it's worth. Get rid of it. As quickly as possible, before it inspires the rest of your wardrobe to think for itself.

Unfortunately for Kagome, short of stripping there and then, she was stuck with the dress until she managed to find her way home, if she didn't break an ankle tottering about in the unfamiliar heels Sango had insisted went with the dress. _'Ah ha! Partners in crime!'_ So all three were in on this little fiasco, six if you included Sango's sisters as well.

Mutilating a paper towel probably wasn't going to help her though, although it was a less violent way of stress relief than other possibilities. Like taking it out on the hand dryer. Do you know how _lethal _those things are? And they'd snap off your hand without a moment's hesitation if they thought they could get away with it.

Inuyasha eventually found her sat on the steps outside, planning sweet revenge on Sango and her co-conspirators. Luckily he interrupted her before she could get to the point where she would have let out a maniacal laugh, bringing fear to the hearts of those who heard her and a sense of foreboding to those who had conspired against her. Which is just as well because manic laughter and violent revenge are not fitting pastimes for angels, temporarily made human or not. And even if she did manage to fulfil the task set before her, it is doubtful as to whether she would have been accepted back into Heaven after a laugh like that.

**-----**

Geh, several things conspired against me in writing and posting this chapter, so sorry for the wait, mina. Had actually got this bit written about a month ago but I was trying to make it longer but just gave up in the end.

And whoa! The 50 review mark has been and gone. Sugoii! Thank you all.

**-- Reviewer's Corner --**  
(my God, there's a lot!)

BloodyKitsune - So does that mean I've scared you off completely? P

Lady Netri - Hello! ::does happy regular dance:: Um, I was possessed by some satrical force? Really, I have no idea what prompted the interlude, although I'm not exactly the world's most reverent person. Maybe that had something to do with it...? Glad you enjoyed it :)

kokoro - No, no sofa's, or monkeys in fez hats (although my friend has a nice red one- fez that is, not monkey.) Well, glad you enjoyed it. I have absolutely no idea how I manage to write this or make it funny... Many thanks for all the kind words (hope you weren't _too_ deprived!)

NefCanuck - Hiya ::does happy regualer dance:: Well, you see, that's irony of it all ;) and I'm hoping to do Destiny in the next interlude. Urk, please don't hold me responsible for the brain breakage (though I hope you're all okay now) Glad you liked it.

Niamh Tyhara - Yeah, most people don't get my humour either. You're not from England are you? I'm told that English humour is different from American humour so that might account for it. Actually how many people reading this are American? Just to satisfy my curiosity and see whether or not we do find different things funny. Anyway, glad to make you laugh :)

Izayoi - Hello! ::happy regualer dance:: I'm gonna try and get as many denizens of Heaven in the interludes as possible! So St Peter will most likely be making an appearance sometime soon :) Glad you enjoyed it.

A Fragmented Tale - Hello again! Glad you enjoyed it. And now I'm going to confess my ignorance and ask, what on earth is Pocky? I've heard of it but never actually found out what it is, except that it's edible. Sad but true. My education is sadly lacking. Please, give me enlightenment! (I'm serious btw)

pinkjingling - Squee! ::happy regular dance:: Um, yeah, they don't teach you _this_ side of God in RE or Alpha, that's for sure.

Elfin Kagome - Four days a week? ::shudder:: And a test as well? Poor you ::gives chocolate:: better? Thankfully I no longer have to endure maths or I'm sure I'd be spending most of time with the men in white coats. Glad you enjoyed it and hope you like this chapter too.

aya - Is that a bad thing? Or is it just hard to make you laugh? I'm guessing you liked it though ;)

NefCanuck - Hello again! Ah yes, the joys of maths... Don't even get me started on long division. Glad you enjoyed it in spite of the algebra ;) Hope you like this chapter too.

Kuroi Tamashi - Ah ha! Thank you! Good, now that won't bug me at inappropriate times.

code-wyze - I'm agnostic, but I'm pretty sure it's not God for me. Besides I just love poking fun at things and religion is a prime target (provided I don't get angry devouts knocking on my door) Glad you like it.

Kumoritora - Glad you like it :) I'm the opposite, I don't like most things I cook but my family do! I'm getting better though ;) Um, not sure if people really write poetry about maths. My Dad (a mathmatician) says it's a very poetic subject though, does that count?

pinkjingling- Hiya again! Thank you!

Izayoi - Hello again! Ah yes, the gummy bears. Sorry about that. I had a hard time thinking of a chapter title and decided to use them. I think they were going to have a bigger part but it didn't quite turn out that way... Yeah, I've got the 1st movie too. I think he does like her cooking (he eats it all and fights Shippo for that sausage) but is too macho to say so. But that's only my opinion :) Hope you liked this chapter.

Lady Netri - Hello again! Come join in the communal hating of maths ;) It's just another one of those things I like poking fun at. Actually I like taking the mickey out of most things! Glad you enjoyed it and here's the next chapter.

Queen of Comedy - Wow... That was some sugar high! I've recently had a thing about squirrels, they kept on randomly popping up in various art projects. So yes, random squirrel-ness, all good P No fair, you get Kenshin on TV. Damn you. Ooh, new word to add to my vocab. But still, that's some sugar high you got there! Thanks for making me laugh ;) Just one thing, what did poor Bob do to deserve the chainsaw? Poor Bob.

annie...o.0;...molly - Unusual pen-name you got there P Have no fear, I won't be sinking your cherrio. I will continue. See, next chapter is here :)

KittyLynne - Hello! How's it going? Urk, must email you ::sheepish look:: Sorry! Glad you enjoyed it, hope there weren't any accidents! I'm glad you liked the interlude, I was waiting for a whole load of irrate Christains or whatever to flame me! But, touch wood, so far so good :) Minnesoteans, huh? I'll have to go check out Fargo. Don't think I actually know what a Minnesotean accent sounds like...  
When did David Beckham move to Spain? Ooh, sometime within the last year. He's playing for Madrid now. Although his wife and kids still live here. I'm assuming he can still 'bend it', although the news has been more full of tales about an affair than his footballing skills of late!  
::shudders:: Stats at uni level. That just gives me the heebie-jeebies. Poor you, and I don't blame you for throwing the book out the window. Although, going down five flight of stairs to pick it up and then going back up must have been annoying!  
Kouga the Friar! Somebody's gotta write a fic about this, that would be absolutely hilarious! ::snickers:: Oh boy. I can see it now :D  
Well, thank you for the reviews and I hope this chapter, and the dress, live up to expectations :) Hugs Xx

Wow, so many reviews. And so many regulars (now I sound like a bar or somethingP) Arigatou mina. You guys seriously ROCK.

Until next time, ja!


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